The invisible algorithms running human interaction. Short reads on how people actually work.
The Benjamin Franklin Effect
Want someone to like you?
Don’t do them a favor. Ask them to do YOU a favor.
Counterintuitive. Proven.
The story: Benjamin Franklin had a rival in the Pennsylvania legislature who disliked him.
Franklin didn’t try to win him over with kindness.
Instead, he asked to borrow a rare book from the man’s library.
The rival lent it. Franklin returned it with a thank-you note.
After that, the rival became Franklin’s friend.
Why it works: Cognitive dissonance.
The rival’s brain: “I did this person a favor. Why would I help someone I dislike? I must actually like them.”
We justify our actions retroactively.
Modern applications:
- Ask for small favors (advice, introductions, help)
- Let people invest in you
- Don’t try to impress with your generosity
- Let them be generous to you
People like you more after helping you, not before.
The favor creates the relationship, not vice versa.
Strategic Incompetence
Deliberately being bad at things you don’t want to do.
The pattern:
- Husband “can’t” do laundry (shrinks everything)
- Employee “struggles” with expense reports (takes forever)
- Person “terrible” at gift-wrapping (others do it)
The result: Others stop asking you to do it.
The danger: Can backfire into actual incompetence.
You fake being bad at something so often, you become actually bad.
More dangerous: Others see through it. Lose respect. Get labeled lazy.
The ethical version: Just say no.
“I don’t do that” beats “I can’t do that.”
Honest boundaries beat fake incompetence.
But understanding the pattern matters:
When someone is consistently “bad” at specific tasks they clearly don’t want to do, it’s often strategic.
Not inability. Incentive.
Social Proof Reversal
Everyone knows social proof: Do what the crowd does.
The reversal: Do the opposite of crowds.
Why: If everyone’s doing it, the opportunity is gone.
Warren Buffett: “Be fearful when others are greedy, greedy when others are fearful.”
Applied:
Career:
- Everyone learning Python → Learn Rust
- Everyone doing startups → Join established companies
- Everyone going remote → Go in-person
Investing:
- Everyone buying → Sell
- Everyone panicking → Buy
Life:
- Everyone hustling → Rest
- Everyone moving to Austin → Stay where you are
- Everyone posting → Lurk and learn
The principle: Crowds create opportunities by abandoning areas.
“Best practices” are often just “what everyone else is doing.”
Which means:
- Saturated markets
- Diminishing returns
- No competitive advantage
Contrarian thinking as strategy: Not being different for its own sake.
Being different when difference creates advantage.
The risk: Crowds are sometimes right.
The nuance: Follow crowds when coordination matters (driving on right side). Oppose crowds when competition matters (career, investing, business).
The Proximity Principle
You become like the 5 people closest to you.
Not metaphor. Measurable.
Research findings:
Obesity: If your close friend becomes obese, your risk increases 57%. Even if they live 1,000 miles away.
Happiness: Happy friends increase your happiness by 15%. Friend of a friend: 10%. Three degrees out: 6%.
Smoking, drinking, exercise, wealth: All spread through networks like viruses.
Why: Behavioral contagion. Social norms. Unconscious mimicry.
You adopt:
- Speech patterns
- Energy levels
- Ambitions
- Habits
- Beliefs
Without realizing it.
The implication: Your friend group determines your life trajectory more than your willpower.
The hard truth: If everyone around you is:
- Unhealthy → You’ll be unhealthy
- Unmotivated → You’ll be unmotivated
- Broke → You’ll stay broke
Not always. But statistically.
The fix: Deliberately curate your proximity.
Not “network up.”
Genuinely spend time with people who:
- Have qualities you want
- Are moving in directions you want to go
- Challenge you
- Inspire you
This feels mercenary. It’s actually survival.
You’re already being influenced. The question is by whom.
Choose consciously or accept it unconsciously.
The Diderot Effect
One purchase triggers an avalanche of related purchases.
The story: French philosopher Denis Diderot receives a beautiful scarlet robe as a gift.
Suddenly his old possessions look shabby next to it.
He buys:
- New desk
- New chair
- New decorations
- New rug
One robe destroys his financial peace.
The pattern:
- Buy new car → Need new garage, detailing, accessories
- Buy nice couch → Entire living room now looks wrong
- Upgrade phone → Need new case, charger, accessories
- New wardrobe piece → Everything else feels inadequate
Why it works: Possessions create ecosystems.
New addition raises the standard. Everything else must match.
Modern version: Lifestyle creep.
- Promotion → Bigger apartment
- Bigger apartment → More furniture
- More furniture → More stuff
- More stuff → Need bigger place
The trap: Each upgrade feels justified in isolation.
Collectively, they’re a consumption spiral.
The fix:
- Recognize the pattern when it starts
- Ask: “What will this make me want to buy next?”
- Delay secondary purchases
- Appreciate mismatches
Your possessions own you more than you own them.
One beautiful thing can make you miserable about everything else.
The Pygmalion Effect (In Reverse)
Others’ expectations shape your behavior.
The classic study: Tell teachers certain students are “gifted” (chosen randomly).
Those students improve more than others.
Not because they’re gifted. Because teachers expect more and provide more opportunities.
In reverse: You can manipulate what others expect to influence your own behavior.
Applications:
Make public commitments: Others now expect you to follow through. You unconsciously conform to their expectations.
Tell people who you’re becoming: “I’m a runner” (even if you’ve run once) Others expect you to run. You behave consistently with that identity.
Join groups with high standards: They expect competence. You rise to match those expectations.
The mechanism: Self-fulfilling prophecy.
You become what others expect, especially if you respect them.
The dark side: Low expectations create low performance.
If people expect you to fail, you’re more likely to.
The strategy: Surround yourself with people who expect your best self.
Their expectations pull you upward.
Shadow Work
Carl Jung’s concept: The parts of yourself you reject end up in your “shadow.”
The pattern: What you hate in others often reveals what you deny in yourself.
Examples:
You hate arrogance → You deny your own need for recognition.
You hate laziness → You deny your own need for rest.
You hate dishonesty → You deny your own self-deceptions.
The practice: When someone triggers strong negative emotion:
- Notice the quality you hate
- Ask: “Where do I have this quality?”
- Accept it exists in you
- Integrate it consciously
Why it matters: Denied traits don’t disappear. They control you unconsciously.
The freed-up energy: Hating others takes energy.
Accepting yourself frees it.
The paradox: You can’t eliminate shadow traits.
But accepting them reduces their power.
Not therapy. Self-archaeology.
Dig up what you buried.
Hormesis
Small doses of stress make you stronger.
Examples:
- Exercise: Muscle damage → Stronger muscles
- Fasting: Metabolic stress → Better insulin sensitivity
- Cold exposure: Temperature stress → Improved resilience
- Vaccines: Immune stress → Disease resistance
The principle: What doesn’t kill you literally makes you stronger.
But only in small doses.
The dose-response curve:
- Too little stress → Weakness
- Optimal stress → Growth
- Too much stress → Damage
Modern problem: Too much comfort.
Climate control. Unlimited food. Sedentary work. Zero physical challenge.
The result: Fragility. Metabolic disease. Anxiety. Weakness.
The fix: Deliberately introduce small stressors:
- Cold showers
- Intermittent fasting
- Hard exercise
- Uncomfortable conversations
- New challenges
Comfort kills slowly.
Calculated stress builds resilience.
Your body is antifragile. Use it or lose it.
The Resting State Network
Your brain’s default mode when “doing nothing.”
What happens: Brain doesn’t turn off. It activates different regions.
Functions:
- Memory consolidation
- Pattern recognition
- Creative connections
- Problem-solving
- Future planning
Why your best ideas come in:
- Showers
- Walks
- Before sleep
- Driving
You’re not thinking hard. Your resting state network is working.
The problem: Modern life eliminates resting state:
- Waiting in line → Check phone
- Commute → Podcast
- Before bed → Scroll
- Walking → Music
Constant input = No resting state = No breakthrough insights
The fix: Deliberately do nothing:
- Walk without phone/music
- Shower without planning
- Sit without entertainment
- Drive in silence
Boredom isn’t empty.
It’s when your brain does its deepest work.
Breakthrough insights require breakthrough space.
Key Patterns
Humans are social creatures running ancient software in a modern world.
The lessons:
- Franklin Effect: Favors create liking, not the reverse
- Strategic incompetence: Fake inability to avoid responsibility
- Social proof reversal: Crowds create opportunities by abandoning them
- Proximity Principle: You become your environment
- Diderot Effect: One purchase cascades into many
- Pygmalion (reversed): Manage expectations to shape yourself
- Shadow work: What you hate reveals what you deny
- Hormesis: Small stress strengthens, comfort weakens
- Resting state: Doing nothing is when breakthroughs happen
The meta-insight:
Social dynamics aren’t mysterious.
They’re predictable patterns running on biological hardware.
You can’t change human nature.
But you can:
- Understand it
- Use it
- Design around it
These aren’t manipulations.
They’re the operating system.
You’re already running this software.
The question is whether you’re aware of it.
Consciousness doesn’t change the patterns.
But it lets you work with them instead of against them.
And that changes everything.