I deleted Twitter from my phone last Tuesday.

Not because of the politics or the drama. Because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to people who seemed to be crushing it while I was struggling.

Every time I opened the app:

  • Someone raised a $50M Series B
  • Someone hit $100K MRR on their SaaS
  • Someone gave a keynote at a major conference
  • Someone got acquired by Google

Meanwhile, my startup was barely break-even, my side project had 47 users, and I’d just had a PR rejected for the third time.

Rationally, I knew I was doing fine. Objectively, I was making progress. But emotionally? I felt like a failure.

That’s social comparison theory in action. And if you’re feeling inadequate scrolling through LinkedIn, Twitter, or Instagram, you’re not weak. You’re human.

Let me explain why this happens and, more importantly, what you can do about it.

What is Social Comparison Theory?

Social comparison theory, developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, states that we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others.

We don’t evaluate ourselves in a vacuum. We’re constantly comparing:

  • Our salary to others’ salaries
  • Our skills to others’ skills
  • Our progress to others’ progress
  • Our lives to others’ lives

Why do we do this?

Because humans have a fundamental need to evaluate themselves accurately. And in the absence of objective standards, we look to others as benchmarks.

Example:

Is $120K a good salary? Depends.

  • Compared to someone making $60K? You’re doing great.
  • Compared to someone making $400K? You’re falling behind.

There’s no objective answer. It’s all relative.

The problem: We’re not just passively observing. We’re actively comparing. And those comparisons shape our self-esteem, motivation, and mental health.

Two Types of Social Comparison

Festinger identified two types of comparison:

1. Upward Comparison

What it is: Comparing yourself to people who are better off than you.

Examples:

  • Your peer gets promoted to senior engineer while you’re still mid-level
  • Your friend’s startup raises millions while you’re bootstrapping
  • Someone on Twitter has 100K followers while you have 500

When it’s helpful: Upward comparison can be motivating. “They did it, so I can too.”

When it’s harmful: More often, it’s demotivating. “They’re so far ahead. I’ll never catch up.”

2. Downward Comparison

What it is: Comparing yourself to people who are worse off than you.

Examples:

  • You’re struggling but at least you have a job (unlike others)
  • Your project isn’t growing but at least you shipped something (unlike people still in tutorial hell)
  • You make decent money (compared to others in your field)

When it’s helpful: Can provide comfort and gratitude. “Things could be worse.”

When it’s harmful: Can lead to complacency. “I’m doing fine compared to them, so I don’t need to improve.”

The research finding: We tend to do more upward comparisons than downward. And upward comparisons are more emotionally impactful.

Translation: We spend more time feeling inadequate than feeling grateful.

Why Social Media Amplifies This

Social comparison is not new. Humans have been comparing themselves to neighbors, coworkers, and peers forever.

But social media has turbocharged it in several ways:

1. Scale of Comparison

Before social media:

  • You compared yourself to your immediate social circle (maybe 50-200 people)
  • Mostly people in your actual life
  • People with similar circumstances

With social media:

  • You compare yourself to thousands or millions of people
  • People you’ve never met
  • People with completely different advantages, resources, and contexts

The result: You’re no longer comparing yourself to your peer group. You’re comparing yourself to the global top 1%.

Example:

Before: “I’m doing okay compared to my college friends.”

Now: “I’m a failure compared to that 22-year-old who sold their startup for $100M.”

The comparison isn’t fair or useful. But your brain does it anyway.

2. Highlight Reels vs. Behind the Scenes

What people post on social media:

  • Funding announcements
  • Product launches
  • Awards and recognition
  • Celebrations and wins
  • Carefully curated photos
  • Polished demos

What people don’t post:

  • The 18-month struggle before the launch
  • The three pivots that failed
  • The crippling self-doubt
  • The unglamorous daily grind
  • The failures and rejections
  • The messy, boring reality

You’re comparing your messy, behind-the-scenes reality to everyone else’s highlight reel.

Of course you feel inadequate.

3. Always-On Comparison

Before: You’d feel inadequate occasionally—at a reunion, a conference, a family gathering.

Now: You can feel inadequate 24/7. Every time you open an app, there’s a new reason to feel like you’re falling behind.

The compulsion: You check Twitter “just for a minute.” Five minutes later, you’ve seen:

  • Someone’s startup IPO
  • Someone’s conference talk
  • Someone’s promotion
  • Someone’s viral tweet

Each one is a little hit to your self-esteem. Death by a thousand comparisons.

4. Algorithmic Amplification

Social media algorithms don’t show you random posts. They show you posts that trigger engagement.

What triggers engagement? Strong emotions. Including envy.

So you see:

  • The most impressive achievements
  • The most exceptional people
  • The most dramatic successes

You’re not seeing a representative sample of reality. You’re seeing the algorithm’s version of reality, optimized for engagement.

Result: Your comparison baseline is artificially inflated.

Real-World Examples from Tech

Let me share some stories:

Example 1: The Serial Fundraising Comparison

I have a friend who’s a brilliant founder. Their startup is growing steadily, profitable, serving real customers, building a sustainable business.

But they’re miserable.

Why? Every week, someone in their Twitter feed announces a massive funding round.

“$20M Series A for [some AI startup]” “$50M Series B for [some crypto thing]” “$100M Series C for [some SaaS they’ve never heard of]”

My friend’s company? Bootstrapped. Growing at 20% year-over-year. Actually making money.

But they feel like a failure because they’re comparing their reality to others’ highlight reels.

The kicker: I know some of those “successful” funded startups. Half are burning cash with no path to profitability. A quarter will be dead in two years.

But the optics are great. And optics drive comparison.

Example 2: The LinkedIn Achievement Theater

I call LinkedIn “achievement theater.” Everyone performing success for an audience.

“Thrilled to announce I’ve joined [prestigious company] as [impressive title]!” “Humbled to share that we’ve reached 1M users!” “Grateful for this recognition as a Top 30 Under 30!”

It’s relentless. And if you’re not announcing something impressive every week, you feel like you’re standing still.

Reality check: Most careers are not a series of LinkedIn-worthy milestones. Most careers are years of steady, unglamorous work punctuated by occasional wins.

But LinkedIn makes it feel like everyone is constantly crushing it.

The comparison trap: You measure your quiet progress against everyone else’s public celebrations.

Example 3: The Open Source Guilt

I maintain a small open source library. It has 200 stars on GitHub. I’m proud of it. It solves a real problem for a niche use case.

But then I see:

  • Someone released a library that got 10,000 stars in a week
  • Someone’s side project is trending on Hacker News
  • Someone’s tool got featured in a major publication

Suddenly, my 200-star library feels like nothing.

Rationally: 200 people found my work useful enough to star it. That’s amazing!

Emotionally: 200 is nothing compared to 10,000. I must be doing something wrong.

Social comparison turns objective success into subjective failure.

Example 4: The Salary Comparison Spiral

Early in my career, I was thrilled to make $85K as a developer.

Then I joined a Slack group for developers. People started sharing salaries:

  • “Just got an offer for $180K at Google”
  • “I’m at $250K total comp at Facebook”
  • “Anyone making less than $200K in SF is being underpaid”

Suddenly, $85K felt embarrassing.

I was in a different city, with different cost of living, at a different company stage, with different equity upside. The comparisons weren’t apples-to-apples.

But I felt underpaid anyway.

What changed? Not my actual salary or standard of living. Just my comparison baseline.

Example 5: The Side Project Shame

I built a small tool for myself. Posted it on Twitter. Got 12 likes.

Same day, someone else posted their side project. Got 5,000 likes, made $10K in the first week, was trending everywhere.

I felt embarrassed. Why did I even bother posting?

Reality: 12 people found my thing interesting. That’s cool!

Comparison brain: 12 is pathetic compared to 5,000. I’m not creative/talented/lucky enough.

Social comparison turned a small win into a reason for shame.

The Mental Health Impact

This isn’t just about feeling bad for a moment. Chronic social comparison has real mental health consequences:

Research findings:

Depression:

  • Higher social media use correlates with higher depression rates
  • Upward comparison on social media predicts depressive symptoms
  • Instagram use specifically linked to depression in young adults

Anxiety:

  • Fear of missing out (FOMO) driven by social comparison
  • Constant feeling of falling behind
  • Anxiety about not measuring up

Lower self-esteem:

  • Chronic upward comparison erodes self-worth
  • Feeling inadequate becomes baseline
  • Self-criticism becomes automatic

Envy and resentment:

  • Envy of others’ success
  • Resentment toward people who are “ahead”
  • Bitterness about your own situation

Decreased life satisfaction:

  • Even when objectively doing well, comparison makes you feel like you’re not
  • Inability to appreciate your own progress
  • Constant sense of not being enough

Study example:

Researchers had participants use Facebook for 20 minutes. Afterward, those who engaged in upward social comparison reported lower self-esteem and worse mood.

Twenty minutes.

Now imagine doing this for hours every day.

Why We Can’t Stop Comparing

If comparison makes us miserable, why don’t we just stop?

Reason 1: It’s Automatic

Social comparison isn’t a conscious choice. It’s a deeply wired psychological mechanism.

You don’t decide to compare. You see someone’s post, and comparison happens instantly.

Reason 2: It’s Adaptive (Sometimes)

Comparison can be useful:

  • Learning from people ahead of you
  • Gauging your progress
  • Identifying areas for growth
  • Finding inspiration

The problem is we’re terrible at using comparison productively.

Reason 3: Social Media is Designed to Keep Us Comparing

Infinite scroll, algorithmic feeds, engagement metrics—it’s all designed to keep you on the platform.

And what keeps you engaged? Emotional reactions. Including the envy, inadequacy, and FOMO that come from comparison.

Reason 4: Status is Relative

Your social status isn’t absolute. It’s relative to your peer group.

So you’re biologically motivated to track where you stand relative to others.

This was useful in small tribal groups. It’s pathological in a world of global social networks.

How to Recognize Unhealthy Comparison

Here are warning signs:

Warning Sign #1: You Feel Worse After Social Media

You open Twitter/LinkedIn/Instagram. You close it feeling inadequate, anxious, or envious.

If social media consistently makes you feel bad, that’s a problem.

Warning Sign #2: You Can’t Celebrate Others’ Success

Someone you know has a win. Your first reaction isn’t “good for them” but “why not me?”

Chronic comparison turns others’ success into your failure.

Warning Sign #3: You Downplay Your Own Achievements

You hit a milestone. But instead of celebrating, you think: “It’s not that impressive. Others have done more.”

You’re robbing yourself of satisfaction by comparing.

Warning Sign #4: You’re Constantly Checking Metrics

GitHub stars, Twitter followers, page views, revenue—you’re obsessively tracking and comparing.

If checking metrics triggers comparison spirals, it’s unhealthy.

Warning Sign #5: You Can’t Focus on Your Own Path

You keep pivoting, changing direction, chasing whatever seems to be working for others.

Comparison-driven decisions replace authentic goals.

How to Combat Social Comparison

You can’t eliminate comparison, but you can change your relationship with it:

Strategy 1: Curate Your Inputs Ruthlessly

The practice: Unfollow, mute, or block content that triggers unhealthy comparison.

Why it works: You can’t compare to what you don’t see.

How I do this:

I unfollowed:

  • People who only post wins (no authenticity)
  • People in completely different circumstances (not relevant comparisons)
  • People whose success makes me feel inadequate (not helping me)

I followed:

  • People who share struggles and failures
  • People in similar circumstances to me
  • People whose work inspires rather than intimidates

Your feed is not reality. It’s a curated selection. Curate it to support your mental health.

Strategy 2: Limit Social Media Time

The practice: Set hard limits on social media usage.

Why it works: Less exposure = less comparison.

How:

  • Delete apps from phone
  • Use website blockers
  • Set timers (iOS Screen Time, Android Digital Wellbeing)
  • Designated “check times” (e.g., only 9 AM and 5 PM)

My rule: No social media before noon. My mornings are for creation, not comparison.

Strategy 3: Practice “Compare to Yesterday Me”

The practice: Instead of comparing to others, compare to your past self.

Questions to ask:

  • Am I better than I was last month?
  • Have I learned something new?
  • Did I make progress on my goals?
  • Am I growing?

Why it works: You control your own progress. You don’t control others’ success.

Example:

Instead of: “I only have 500 Twitter followers while [person] has 100K.”

Try: “I had 200 followers last year. I’ve more than doubled. That’s growth.”

Strategy 4: Recognize Context Collapse

The practice: Remember that you’re comparing across completely different contexts.

Reality check:

That person who raised $10M?

  • They might have 10 years more experience
  • They might have a network you don’t have
  • They might have quit their job and gone all-in (you haven’t)
  • They might have financial safety nets you don’t have
  • They might be faking it (more common than you think)

You don’t know their full story. Comparison is inherently unfair.

Strategy 5: Consume “Behind the Scenes” Content

The practice: Seek out content that shows struggle, failure, and messy reality.

Why it works: Counteracts the highlight reel effect.

Examples:

  • Indie Hackers posts about failures
  • Blogs about startup struggles
  • Twitter threads about rejection
  • Podcasts where people discuss what went wrong

Reminder: Everyone is struggling. Most people just don’t post about it.

Strategy 6: Track Your Own Metrics Privately

The practice: Instead of public metrics (Twitter followers, GitHub stars), track private metrics that actually matter to you.

Examples:

  • Days I worked on my goals
  • New skills I learned
  • Problems I solved
  • People I helped
  • Quality of my work

Why it works: You’re measuring what you control, not what others validate.

Strategy 7: Practice Gratitude Actively

The practice: Daily gratitude journaling. Write three things you’re grateful for.

Why it works: Shifts focus from what you lack (comparison) to what you have (appreciation).

Research finding: People who practice gratitude have higher life satisfaction and lower rates of depression, even when external circumstances haven’t changed.

My practice: Every night, I write:

  • One thing I’m grateful for in my work
  • One thing I’m grateful for in my relationships
  • One thing I’m grateful for about myself

Sounds cheesy. Works anyway.

Strategy 8: Reframe Upward Comparison

Instead of: “They’re ahead of me. I’m falling behind.”

Try: “They’re proof it’s possible. If they did it, I can learn from their path.”

Turn envy into curiosity:

  • “How did they do that?”
  • “What can I learn from them?”
  • “What would I need to change to get similar results?”

Example:

Someone built a successful SaaS. Instead of feeling inadequate, I:

  • Read their blog posts about how they did it
  • Learned from their marketing strategies
  • Applied relevant lessons to my own work

Their success became a resource, not a referendum on my failure.

Strategy 9: Celebrate Others Genuinely

The practice: When you see someone’s win, actively celebrate it.

Why it works: Turns comparison from competition into community.

How:

  • Comment congratulations (and mean it)
  • Share their success
  • Learn from their approach

Paradox: Celebrating others’ success reduces envy and makes you feel more connected.

Research finding: People who celebrate others’ wins are happier and have better relationships.

Strategy 10: Define Your Own Success Metrics

The practice: Decide what success means to you, independent of others.

Questions:

  • What do I actually want?
  • Why do I want it?
  • What would make me feel fulfilled?
  • What am I willing to sacrifice for it?

Example:

My definition of success:

  • Work on problems I find interesting
  • Make enough to live comfortably
  • Have time for family and hobbies
  • Keep learning and growing

Someone else’s definition might be:

  • Build a billion-dollar company
  • Maximize income
  • Achieve fame
  • Change the world

Neither is wrong. But they’re different. And comparing progress on different goals is meaningless.

The Paradox of Comparison in Tech

Here’s what’s wild about tech:

We celebrate:

  • “Move fast and break things”
  • “Fail fast”
  • “Iterate quickly”
  • “Learn from mistakes”

But we compare based on:

  • Polished wins
  • Big fundraises
  • Perfect launches
  • Viral successes

We preach one thing and compare based on another.

The public narrative is “failure is okay.” But the public comparisons are all about success.

No wonder we’re miserable.

Advanced Technique: The Comparison Audit

Here’s an exercise I do quarterly:

Step 1: List the people/accounts I compare myself to most.

Step 2: For each, ask:

  • Why do I compare to them?
  • Is this comparison useful?
  • Does it motivate me or demoralize me?
  • Am I comparing fairly (similar context, resources, constraints)?

Step 3: Decide:

  • Keep following (if it’s motivating and useful)
  • Unfollow/mute (if it’s demoralizing or unfair)
  • Reframe (change how I think about them)

Example:

Person A: Founder who’s crushing it. Similar background to me. Posts authentically about struggles and wins.

  • Decision: Keep following. This is motivating comparison.

Person B: Founder with 10 years more experience, a huge network, and massive funding. Only posts wins.

  • Decision: Unfollow. This is demoralizing and unfair comparison.

Person C: Developer who’s incredibly skilled. Makes me feel inadequate.

  • Decision: Reframe. Follow to learn from them, not to feel bad about myself.

This audit has dramatically improved my social media experience.

A Personal Story: My Comparison Breaking Point

Two years ago, I was in a dark place.

My startup was struggling. My peers were raising millions. Every Twitter scroll was a reminder that I was “falling behind.”

I was depressed. Not clinically, but situationally. I felt like a failure even though, objectively, I was doing fine.

The breaking point: I read a thread from a founder I’d been comparing myself to. They announced their startup was shutting down after raising $20M.

I’d spent months feeling inadequate compared to them. And their “success” was actually failure.

The realization: I’d been comparing my reality to a fiction. Their funding announcement was real. But the implication that they were crushing it? Fiction.

I deleted Twitter that day. Took three months off social media entirely.

What changed:

  • I stopped feeling like I was falling behind
  • I started appreciating my own progress
  • I focused on my own goals instead of others’ highlight reels
  • My mental health improved dramatically

What I learned: Most of what I was comparing myself to was either exaggerated, taken out of context, or outright false.

Final Thoughts: Your Life is Not a Comparison

Here’s what I want you to remember:

Your worth is not relative to others.

You’re not falling behind because someone else is ahead. You’re not failing because someone else is succeeding. You’re not inadequate because someone else is exceptional.

You’re on your own path, with your own goals, your own context, your own constraints, and your own timeline.

Comparison is the thief of joy. It takes your real progress and makes it feel insufficient. It takes your actual achievements and makes them feel small.

The antidote isn’t trying to win the comparison game. It’s refusing to play.

The next time you open social media and feel that familiar pang of inadequacy, remember:

  • You’re seeing a highlight reel, not reality
  • You’re comparing unfairly across different contexts
  • Your brain is wired to compare, but you can choose how you respond
  • Your progress is real, even if it’s quiet
  • Your worth is inherent, not relative

And maybe, like me, you’ll decide that some apps aren’t worth the mental health cost.

I still haven’t reinstalled Twitter.

My startup is doing fine. My side project is growing slowly. My career is progressing steadily.

And for the first time in years, I feel like that’s enough.

Not because my circumstances changed. But because I stopped comparing them to everyone else’s.

How do you handle social comparison? Has social media affected your mental health? What strategies have worked for you? I’d love to hear your story.